birth story

My mommy friends told me not to read birth stories when I was pregnant.  They said that it was better not knowing and that birth stories can make it worse than it actually is.   However, I like to be informed and knowing all my options so when I accidentally stumbled upon things like "birth stories" I was hooked.  I was 20 weeks pregnant, my husband was on a business trip, and after I read my first birth story, I couldn't stop.  I spent all night in my bed, on my iphone, reading story after story and realizing that every birth is unique and different.

My story starts at my 40 week appointment.  For some reason, I had it in my head that my baby girl (we called her babyjoy) was going to come earlier than 40 weeks.  My estimated due date based on my periods was September 12th.  The early ultrasound had estimated it to be September 23rd.  I was convinced that she was coming some time in between the two.  So when September 23rd came and went, I was frustrated and beyond anxious.  On Monday, at the 40 week +1 appointment, we had a non-stress test done. During the test, I saw several light contractions on the monitor and beyond excited that it was happening.  I was 2cm dilated, 80% effaced, and my cervix was soft and ripened.  Our doctor was optimistic that the baby was going to come soon.  She thought I wouldn't make it until Friday, but just in case had me schedule another appointment.

Nevertheless, I was excited that labor would happen soon.  I was so tired of being pregnant that my husband and I tried everything we can to help the labor jump start   I ate pineapples, spicy foods (well, I'm Korean so spicy foods are normal), samkyupsal (Korean bacon), eggplant parmigiana, you name it. Hubby and I walked around Costco, Target, the Forum, almost daily.  But..nada, nothing.

We went again to the Doctor on Friday (40 week +5).  Another non-stress test and ultrasound was done.  Fluids were normal, everything was normal.  I was progressing slowly (3cm, 85% effaced) and the Dr. was concerned that baby was getting bigger and bigger and scheduled an induction for Sunday night.  She assured me that by Monday I would have my baby.  As scary as being induced sounds, I was relieved that there was an end date coming up for my pregnancy.

Our Dr had informed us that the hospital will call 2 hours before we were supposed to come in...sometime Sunday evening.  We figured we would go to a local Sunday service, have a last lunch, pack last minute items leisurely, and then go to the hospital.  We got ready Saturday  night, cleaning and getting last minute items ready, knowing this would be the last night as non-parents.  I went to bed probably thinking we will go into labor naturally anyway.

I got a phone call at 5am from the hospital asking us to come in at 7am.  I was still in deep sleep and very confused at why the change in time.  I kept repeating that the midwife told us Sunday night.  I must have sounded desperate, because the nurse said that if it made me feel better, we could come in by 8.  I immediately woke my husband up to let him know what was going on.  He mumbled, wake me up in an hour and promptly went back to sleep.  I could not.  This induction thing was happening and I had to read about what the process was, how it felt, what to expect, etc.  

I read that you should eat something before you go in, so I made my husband stop by and get some bagels before the hospital.  After signing in, filling out paperwork, answering load of questions to our nurse, being checked by the midwife on call (a great midwife..I couldn't have been happier with how I was treated), I was around 3.5cm she said and that things were looking nicely.

We started the pitocin around 10am.  I had to be externally monitored, so two waistband looking straps were placed on my belly--one to monitor my contractions, other for baby joy's heartbeat.  I was given an IV with 3 extensions--one with the pitocin, one with IV fluids, and another with antibiotics bc I tested positive for groupB.  I also had this annoying band around my arm that automatically monitored my blood pressure every hour.  I was feeling fine and things were progressing nicely.  Although I was confined to the bed, I didn't mind.  I had brought whole bunch of videos to watch so it kept my mind off of things as I labored slowly.  The only annoying thing was I had to keep getting up to use the bathroom and each time that I did, I had to unhook and unplug so many wires and drag my IV tower along.

My parents and pastor came to visit around 3pm.  They watched my contractions on the monitor and made jokes about it and how I would have a big meal when babyjoy got here (I was starving!).  My pastor's wife told me that her doctor was an anesthesiologist and warned me not to get an epidural. Around 4, the pain started to slowly happen.  It was manageable and I thought..hey! this isn't bad at all.  I can do this without any medication!

By 6pm, I was dying.  I still felt like I had to get up every several minutes to go to the bathroom.  Every time a contraction came I was holding onto my husband for dear life.  My parents and brother were at the hospital and they saw me in such pain that they decided to leave.  Nurses kept reminding me to breathe and relax but it wasn't happening. The midwife checked me and said I was around 5cm and that if I wanted to, I should get an epidural bc they were afraid that I was tiring myself out.  Without hesitation, I asked for one and luckily the anesthesiologist was able to come right away.  I'm not scared of needles in any way so the pain of putting it in was okay.  Afterwards, I was back in my state of bliss.  I could now talk.  They put an internal monitor for the heartbeat and contractions as well as a catheter so I didn't have to get up anymore which I loved.  I was back to watching tv, playing on my phone, and was even able to get some sleep.  At this point, I think they also broke my water to speed labor along.

Throughout the night, the midwife checked me and I was progressing slowly.  The nurse had put me in various positions on the bed (1 leg up, sitting up, laying down, etc) and it was slowly but surely progressing.  Around 2am, we had a slight scare because the midwife noticed that after each contraction, baby joy's heartbeat was dropping.  I was given an oxygen mask, the pitocin was slowed down, and they put an internal fluid monitor to insert fluid back in. If these fixes didn't work, the dreaded c-section was brought up.  My awesome midwife assured me that she supports natural births and that it takes a lot for her to resort to a c-section.  After we tried various positions and with all the extra stuff, baby joy was looking normal again.   She mentioned that I was close to 9cm and that baby joy would be here in a few short hours and to get some sleep to build up energy and stamina.

I was checked again around 4am (still only 9cm) and then at 6am (still only 9cm).  My midwife came in with a grave face and said that I had been at 9cm for 4 hours, I had been on pitocin for almost 24 hours, and that my water had been broken for about 12 hours.  Things were not progressing at all, which usually meant that there was something wrong.  I was physically exhausted (still starving) and even if the baby were to come naturally, that I would be too tired to push.    It was time for a c-section.

All of a sudden, there were fast movements around me.  The dimmed lights were put on to full blast, Nurses and doctors came in to prep me for surgery.  The nurse shaved me down, took out all my wires that were inside me, and asked my husband to hurry.  (He had all of our stuff out so he had to pack everything up and put on the gown--all while trying to wake up).  The anesthesiologist came in again and gave me stronger medication to numb everything from chest down.  After the medicine, I couldn't move and started to shake uncontrollably.  I was given a blanket for my upper body.  It helped a little but all I could focus on was being cold.  Since I couldn't move and see what was going on (or where my husband was), while I was being wheeled to the OR room, the tears started to flow.  I had felt like a failure for laboring all night and scared and nervous at the same time.  My seriously awesome nurse could have left (her shift ended at 7am and it was around 6:30) but she scrubbed in and gave me the reassurance that I needed of having a familiar face.  She also saw my tears and warmly told me that everything will be okay.

I wasn't even sure when the surgery actually started but all of a sudden my husband was in the room with his scrubs and holding my hand.  The new anesthesiologist (shift changed at 7 and the old one decided to leave early..punk) was great too because she had this warm, friendly voice and gave me the play by play on what was happening. Suddenly, I heard this gurgle of a cry and then a loud piercing one and the nurses all yelling at how cute she was.  Emily Daheun Kim was born at 6:52am, weighing in at 8 oz and 10 lbs.  There was a bit of meconium when my water broke so she was taken by the pediatric team to make sure everything was okay.  I could see her getting examined as the doctors worked on removing the placenta and getting me stitched up.  They mentioned that Emily was sunny side up with her arm straight up which was probably the reason she hadn't progressed any faster.

After I was finished, we were both wheeled into the recovery area.  I watched as the nurses cleaned her up and tried to breastfeed Emily.  She nibbled a little bit and went back to sleep.  My husband took her and I promptly fell asleep too because I was so tired from everything.  When I finally came to, we were both being wheeled again finally to our private room.

The birth was complicated and took forever.  I was slightly disappointed that I didn't get to experience a vaginal birth  but a healthy Emily took that disappointment away.